This is just a rant, what I'm thinking about after we went out tonight. I went out tonight, opened a few sets that hooked okay. Some of the sets that I opened ended up dancing, talking, leaving with other guys. It makes me think and jealous. What don't I have that the other guy has? Nothing. I'm the same, if not I've got more shit going for me..but PU is just another skill, afterall, I've only started going out a year ago. I can think of witty things to say, but only when I feel like I have somewhat control of the situation is when my mojo kicks in. If the girl is not into me, I feel I don't have control, therefore not only do I lose the set but also brings my mood down a little bit.
I have been thinking about this, maybe it's the way I convey myself and how I communicate but it seems like I'm not compatible with many people(guys and girls). Now, I could change myself to be the type of person who people like, or just be myself and be happy not caring what others think. But I do care what others think, for some reason it really matters to me. Would changing yourself so that others will like you be a good thing? I realize when I say this I'm being hypocritical because I do all the time, when I talk to a hot girl, it's different from when I talk to a guy or someone who I perceive to be higher value than me versus one with lower value. Also when there's a group of people 3 or more, I'm very careful of what I say or how I act, even how I move because I'm afraid of judgment. I'm afraid that one person will say something to the other person about me and I'll be rejected. I'm worried about fitting in.
At times, I'm very hard on people. Like if they start talking about how miserable their past experience was over and over again, I tell them to stop because it's in the past and it's negative and to think positive. I'm not going to baby because it won't help them grow, I want them to be independent and also because I know they're better than that. It's what I tell myself.
Sometimes jealousy happens for other reasons. Such as when people don't treat me with the same respect I make a mental note to get them back later, and also future project their suffering. I hold grudges to people who I think are unfair and sometimes, when I know I'm right and yet they have no respect for what I have to say.
Enough negative talking, something constructive I can gain from this is, I will continue down the path until I master these areas of my life. I'll continually increase my comfort zone by taking a risk each day. 1 thing I am afraid to do, I will do(relating to people). And to dissolve my ego, i will stop having useless thoughts.
